At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
