My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
