Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
