i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
