glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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