In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
