my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
