I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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