I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
