Don't make out with my wife yet
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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