i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
