I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
FUCK WHALES
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
