we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
