Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
