Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
