I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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