i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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