I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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