i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
