when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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