I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
now i know why i became what i already was.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
