Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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