Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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