omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
