i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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