i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
