my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
