well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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