life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't turn off my feet"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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