We're like a lot better than the average bears
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
