I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
