Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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