ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
