And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
