apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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