He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
