i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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