i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
