Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
