South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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