if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've blown a few things in my day
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
