im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
