I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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