She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
