we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
