I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
