if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
