ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
