I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
