I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
